The Written Picture

I love western ks

So. I wrote a novel.

It started in Colorado when my daughter was little. We were at Lake Estes with my mom. My girl found a stick by the lake and picked it up.

"It looks like a gun," she said. Little indentations covered it like a curly design or intricate carving. Her eyes widened. "Maybe it's Indian writing."

My mom said, "Maybe it belongs to a cow girl. Maybe she's named Jessie Timberline."

All the way back to our cabin my wheels were spinning. The adventures of Jessie Timberline. She had to have a spunky voice and be a teller of tall tales. There had to be a bad guy and a wanted poster. There had to be Indians and a horse and a gun.

And I could write it as a gift to my daughter.

This is what she looked like when I started it:

This is what she looked like when I finished it:

She may never read it, but still it was a promise I'd made to her - one that I needed to keep. So with some quick formatting and a cover design, I uploaded it to Lulu and had it printed. I just needed to see it finished.

Here are some interesting facts about it:

• It's 253 pages/72,336 words long
• It went through 3 complete rewrites - with some sections being re-written over 20 times. At least.
• I outlined it 3 times.
• It took 7 years. SEVEN YEARS.
• Most of that time was spent doubting myself and whining. I should have just shut up and written.
• I wrote it by hand and then typed it in on the computer. Then I rewrote it by hand. Then typed in the changes.

• There will only ever be one copy.
• It's not the first novel I've written; it's the first one that's this finished.
• It's nowhere near what I wanted it to be, but it would take a lifetime to get it there and it's time to let it go.

Writing is the thing I most want to do, and the thing I'm most afraid of even though I do it every day.

Ironically (or maybe not), the story is about a girl who makes a promise to her dying pa. It haunts her and no matter what success she has, she gives up everything just to keep that promise. Some days that felt like what I was doing.

The final 20 pages were the worst. More than once, I told myself, "You know what? This just isn't worth it." Then I'd get back to work, telling myself it could be the worst thing ever written just as long as it was finished. Then as I worked, I listened to my own head as it told me how horrible I was and how worthless. But that's the way dreams go. You have to prove you really want them.

So finally, I'm free of it. Then the other day, my little guy was vrooming cars on the floor, when suddenly he said, "Paul Cactus."

I perked up. "Paul Cactus?"

"Yep." He looked at me with a faint smile like he was waiting to see what I'd say.

"Paul Cactus swallowed a cactus," I said. "That's how he got his name..." So who knows what adventure will come next.

Tennessee Williams said, "Make voyages. Attempt Them. There is nothing else."

Sixteen years ago today...

You and I became

Here's hoping for at least 60 more.

Seeing Double

Recently I found out my favorite camera phone app can do this:

It's a throwback to the days of old film cameras where you could expose a shot and then without advancing the film (so no automatic film advance) take another picture on top of it.

You can get the same effect in Photoshop by placing one picture on top of another and adjusting either the opacity of that picture or the blending mode. But I'm old fashioned. I like doing it in the moment and seeing what happens.

The way the app works is that you snap the picture and then without seeing a preview, you have to snap another. So it takes some thought. Or luck. Or both.

I don't know. Maybe they're horrible. Maybe they're too much like a piece of bad modern art. But I like them. There's something fresh and unexpected about them.

And if nothing else, it's something to do in the car when you're bored.

Or you can entertain kids when they're bored.

I don't know that they'll win any awards or anything like that, but for now, they're satisfying my incredible urge to get back into film photography - both the toy kind and the instant kind.

So until then, I'll be in my backyard...

...pretending my phone camera is really a little plastic film camera.

Shooting Cory - Senior portraits

Some people you like instantly. You just know right away. Cory's mom is someone I've known for years, but I'd never met Cory. That didn't seem to matter. From the first moment, he talked to me like he'd always known me.

I love people like that.

He didn't want the usual senior pictures - the brick walls, the fire escape steps and all that jazz. In fact, I'm not sure he wanted senior pictures at all. That's pretty typical - especially of boys. They do it because their mom wants them to. Or because that's what you do when you're a senior. But if they had to choose, they probably wouldn't do it at all.

His mom asked me if I had any advice on what to wear. If you've read this blog before, you know what I said. "What does he feel comfortable in? What does he like wearing?" That's my favorite way to shoot people. Some people want to go all out and wear crazy things. Others don't. Both are fine. I just like to find out who YOU are and shoot that.

So Cory showed up with his favorite t-shirts - each representing a little bit of who he is. Not only that, he wanted his pictures taken where he works. That's right. You heard me. Most people try to stay away from where they work. But then again, most people don't work in a place like this.

It's acres and acres of backwoods. He mows and weeds and builds things for a family that has gorgeous sprawling property. And who also run a Christian day camp and soccer camps in the summer.

It was clear from the beginning that he didn't want anything fancy or frilly. He loves the outdoors and animals and kids. He needed pictures that were simple and straightforward. So we went to the woods where the mosquitoes were biting even through bug spray, and the back roads were merely tracks left from a Gator. Back where there's a silence that you just can't get very many places.

I figured out pretty quickly that Cory wasn't going to shove his hands in his pockets or look away shyly. He wasn't going to try to disappear from the camera. Both feet were planted, and he stood up straight. I asked him, "Is that how you normally stand? Don't you ever, you know, slouch?"

"Nope," he said.

And I could be wrong, but I get the feeling Cory's the kind of kid that meets things head-on. Here I am, take me or leave me. I admire that.

 It's not often that I get to shoot someone in a place they love so much. Cory was alive out there. He spread his arms wide and said, "I wanted to live here all summer, just camping out." He showed his mom and me all of his favorite places and landmarks. He loves that place. And the people and the animals there love him, too.

The thing I kept thinking after I left was that I wish the world were made up of people like Cory - the way he loves animals and being outdoors, the way he's strong and athletic and yet so funny and kind-hearted, too. We'd all be living in a much better place. But thank goodness for all of us, we at least have this one.