The Written Picture

Instant Sea

The thing I love most about my instant camera is how washed out and faded the pictures look. Like a memory. Like a dream.

When we visited the beach several weeks ago, I happily snapped pictures like a tourist and tucked the little pictures inside my sweatshirt pocket, not even worrying about what any of them looked like.

Then as we got in the car and drove away, I held them in my hands. That's the thing you lose with digital. You get used to staring at pictures on a screen. You forget what it's like to hold an image in your hand. It's like holding onto a dream.

They aren't good photos. They aren't clear and sharp. But neither are memories - especially those tinged in a veil of nostalgia.

But the thing I love most, is that you have to anticipate moments.

You can't just wildly shoot and hope you'll get something you like. Each pack of film has only 10 images. They are few. They are precious. And you have to wait and watch. You have to really see.

And when you're done, you're rewarded with a tiny stack of memories that you can hold in your hand.

Meet my new friend

I swear I'll buy anything if this story's good enough. Here's the story of this:

Word has it that in the 60s you could win a little camera on the boardwalk as a prize. Can you imagine being 10 years old and on vacation? Can you imagine a tiny little plastic camera and how suddenly it makes you notice everything? I can almost feel the salty wind in my hair. I can almost hear the gulls crying.

When I turned 40, I figured I needed new camera or two. Because shooting on 3 cameras and my phone wasn't enough. I know, I know. I'm nothing if not excessive. But I started realizing that I was trying to make all my camera phone pics look like they came from cheap plastic cameras.

I first saw these photos years ago and fell instantly in love. As an added bonus, they're taken in the south which just feeds my love of all things Southern Gothic... especially river baptisms and snake handling (not that these are snake handlers or anything - but they do remind me of Appalachia and all the lore and grandeur that's there and no offense to anyone who's been baptized in a river. I have romantic notions about it since I was baptized at an altar - the grass is just always greener, no?). Add those to the mix and I'm a complete and total goner.

I almost couldn't stand it. So I started obsessively checking eBay and grew quickly discouraged. I didn't know what to buy or if it would even work. Besides, the whole world was starting to go digital. Maybe it was not the perfect time to invest in film.

However, I couldn't ever shake the feeling. I love my camera app that can make pictures look old and vintage-y. But sometimes you don't want something to look like the old thing. You want it to be the old thing.

Meet Diana.

Somehow, somewhere I caught wind of a Diana replica. I reasoned with myself. I put it off. I reasoned with myself some more. I went to a store and held one in my hands. I talked myself out of it and into it and out of it again.

It's not practical.

It's not useful.

It's expensive.

It's silly.

But I guess dreams are usually all those things. And as much as you talk yourself out of them, they just keep coming back like a zombie apocalypse - not that I've ever been through one or anything - until you do something about them. 

I started searching Flickr and Lomography.com for anything tagged, "Diana Mini."

I pinned images on Pinterest.

And I pined.

Then I decided it would be the perfect gift to myself for turning 40.

And then it sat in the box for a month while family visited, while I wrote a novel. Besides I didn't want to use it on just any old thing. So I waited until we took a trip to the big city.

I shot on the wrong settings half the time. See, there aren't any batteries - unless you count the flash which is an optional accessory. But there's nothing to warn you that you've got it all wrong. You have to think and imagine how the picture will turn out. You have to be in the present moment, which is sometimes a challenge when you like to dream.

So anyway.

Here are some early shots.

There will be so many more.

It seems made for carnivals and fairs, for bare feet and long summer afternoons, but maybe that's just because I've fallen in love with the story of it. But it's going to get used a lot this summer...I'm planning on some adventures - if only for the pictures.

They're all there.

I bought a Diana mini camera recently and did a quick test shot before I took it out for the day. When I got the film back, I looked at all of the pictures, but then I saw this one.

I kept going back to look at it over and over. It was just a quick shot meant to see if the film was advancing correctly.

It wasn't until later that I realized, they're all there. The most important people in my life captured in a little square.

And that's what I love about photography. That it often surprises you, giving you something you didn't even know you had.

Instant morning

I'm 40 today so pardon me if I get a little morbid.

I was born on Dia de los Muertos. Day of the Dead. It's fitting if you know me in real life. I love cemeteries and mysteries and dark and stormy nights. And I love that I was born on a day that celebrates the dead. My birthday always came with a Jack-O-Lantern in the background and skeletons still dancing in the windows from Halloween. It falls under the shadow of full moons and werewolves and tombstones.

This year's different, though. This year's the big one - the big four-oh. And I guess I'm supposed to be sad. I guess I'm supposed to barely be able to get out of bed, to spend the day crying. Oh yes. I've heard of people doing that. But, I've been celebrating this in little ways for a long time. Because the secret is, I've sort of been looking forward to it.

I kind of feel like I've only just now arrived, like I'm only just now unfolding trembling wings and letting them dry in the sun. I feel like I'm finally starting to be who I'm supposed to be and I want to keep going and keep trying, even if I'm getting old while doing it. Besides, I know where I'm going when this gig is up. And today, "salvation is nearer to us now than when we first believed."

Anyway. There was some Nancy Drew. A LOT of chocolate. And a new camera. Or two. Which doesn't hurt things. Today, I'm celebrating life AND death. And all points in between.